Why?

Why?

Why is it so hard?

Can't it be easier?

Why not? I know you can do it!

Do I really have to go through this?

Is it truly necessary?

It's something I just can't carry!

Why, I ask. Why?

Can't you just take it all away?

It would make the load so light,

And then I could carry it! I'd make it there in a day!

No more falling, stumbling,

No more bowing, no more humbling

No more depression, no more sadness

No more of this worlds madness!

All of these things would be no more!

...

"Then what would you need me for?"

Ahh... Home... or not...

Jacob Hash, Trip day 6

Nowy Tomysl, 13, 07, 09

Well, I survived my english camp (Stories of God English camp 2009, Katowice, Poland, in Zywiec). Now I am at the camp in Nowy Tomysl (Northernish Poland) for two days, then me and my dad go on to the camp in Koszalin ( by the Polish sea). I just came back from slot.
The camp I am at is in their Music time right know, singing "I am Free" and then "Undignified". Im loving it!!!
But all that is good has to end... And then begin again tomorrow night.
But life will go on. As it has for the past oh so many years. As it has when the Jacksons left, when the Jones' left, when the Cupery's left, When the Andersons left, when the Pitchers left, when the Runzos left, when Becca left, when, when, when... There have been many "when's" and many more "left's". But I'm okay with it. ... Okay, not really. I'm not totally okay with it. In fact it's really hard for me. But I will live on. My life is not just suddenly gonna stop. Even though it would be so much easier if it did. No more problems, no more sadness, no more shame, no more fear, no more tears, no more of anything bad, of anything painfull, of anything evil. But then I realized that then there would be no more good, no more fun, no more redemption, for everything would be nonexistent to me. Or maybe I would no longer exist. Well, that would suck. At the very least, I would be doing the same thing to my friends as What they did to me, but they didn't have a very big choice in the matter. I do.
I could just stop living. Or, at least, stop caring. It would be so easy. Just stop caring for people, and for God. Just stop caring... so easy... Just live for myself. Live by myself. From now on.
Does God think that it is time for my family to leave, for me to leave. Is he treating all these people leaving me as a test, as a joke? If and when the time comes, will I be able to listen to God, and go to the states? Will I be able to follow the example of all my friends, and go? Or will I be like Jonah? Will I run away? Or will I listen? When my parents tell me that they have been told by God that it is time to go, will I accept it? Will I go? Will they really hear the right voice? Will the devil have a clever disquise? Will my parents be tricked? Will I be tricked?
Will I be able to live in the states? In a new place? In a new life? Will I be able to forget my old life? Will I need to? Or will I need to keep it?
Will I be the "last man standing," or will I leave some friends back in Europe, like I have been left time, and time again? I hope not. But I also do not want to be left. That wouldn't be very cool either.
Those where all my thoughts at the moment. I don't even want to read it over, because it makes me feel sad. That, and I need to go get ready for Cosmic night at the camp. Hope to talk back soon.


Jacob Hash

Ha Ha Ha... HUH?!

Man, I'm tired. But anyways, here goes.
I'm sitting on the computers again, the only time I post. Sorry. But I do other things when I am at home on the computer. Important things. Necesarry things. Like whatching One Piece.
Ok, so whatch a lot of stuff, but its cool. Im not as aaddicted as I once was. Im doing better... somewhat. I have a test in about an hour, in math, but, its cool. I think that I will be fine. I hope... GULP...
For everyone who reads my blog ( all two of you =), if you were at conference, I hope you had a great time. Cause man, I did, and I don't want you to miss out.
I went in to the weekend thinking "Oh man, this is going to by a huge cry fest. Well, I better start collecting tissues now." But that wasn't it at all. It was actually really fun, and I'm glad I was there.
It may be hard to say this, or to understand it ( I know I don't), but i think that Becca leaving is the right thing to do. I mean, sure, it'll be hard, and sad and what not (heck, it already is), but this is the way it was meant to be. This is what was meant to hppen. This is what God planned for us all. And Iam happz that I can obez him. Even if it is hard, which it is, I will obey Him. It is worth it.

Well, I'll try and get back soon, so hang in there!!!

Bye,
Jacob

New Friday... Darn...

Well, im at school once more, sitingn on the computers, bored out of my wits. I think that this is the only time I post now a days, and it still is not often enough. I do not like fridays, i think they stink. I now have to start school at seven ten. Its crazy. Thats usually the time I am getting out of bed! But actually, I woke up at six this morning, and I felt fine... until I had my polish language class. I think I fell asleep, but I cant be sure. I dont really remember.
SO, I was at the Runzo's house last week. It was awsome! And I was there without my parents. It was wierd, but I really enjoyed it. Let me explain how I got there. See, mz parents were on a vacation thingz with the other pastor of oor church, his wife, and the elder of our church. They went to Spain, I think... We flew from Krakow to Stansted, London together. From there I just about doubled back and flew to Riga, whereas my parents flew ot Spain. The border gards took my tooth paste and my Deoderant, but other than that I made it whole to Riga. Me and Brennan had a great time! We played on their trampoline, played Wii( mainly Mario Kart), and we made somebody special a goodbye present. It was one of the funest weeks Ive had in a long time. And, one of the most important things about the week, THE FOOD WAS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don t think i have eaten that much and so well for a long time. It was great! I also had a fun time being with Hayley and Helen. They were part of the overall experiance too, and I was very glad I got to hang out with them too, even if only for a bit. Well, that is what I have been doing lately, and now im back in school. Bu tI have a request for all my Wii playing blog readers. If you have Mario Kart for Wii, please put your enumber o nthis site as a request. I would grately apreciate it. I want to play with people I know.
Well, I will post back soon, I hope,
Bye
Jacob