Jacob Hash, Trip day 6
Nowy Tomysl, 13, 07, 09 Well, I survived my english camp (Stories of God English camp 2009, Katowice, Poland, in Zywiec). Now I am at the camp in Nowy Tomysl (Northernish Poland) for two days, then me and my dad go on to the camp in Koszalin ( by the Polish sea). I just came back from slot.
The camp I am at is in their Music time right know, singing "I am Free" and then "Undignified". Im loving it!!!
But all that is good has to end... And then begin again tomorrow night.
But life will go on. As it has for the past oh so many years. As it has when the Jacksons left, when the Jones' left, when the Cupery's left, When the Andersons left, when the Pitchers left, when the Runzos left, when Becca left, when, when, when... There have been many "when's" and many more "left's". But I'm okay with it. ... Okay, not really. I'm not totally okay with it. In fact it's really hard for me. But I will live on. My life is not just suddenly gonna stop. Even though it would be so much easier if it did. No more problems, no more sadness, no more shame, no more fear, no more tears, no more of anything bad, of anything painfull, of anything evil. But then I realized that then there would be no more good, no more fun, no more redemption, for everything would be nonexistent to me. Or maybe I would no longer exist. Well, that would suck. At the very least, I would be doing the same thing to my friends as What they did to me, but they didn't have a very big choice in the matter. I do.
I could just stop living. Or, at least, stop caring. It would be so easy. Just stop caring for people, and for God. Just stop caring... so easy... Just live for myself. Live by myself. From now on.
Does God think that it is time for my family to leave, for me to leave. Is he treating all these people leaving me as a test, as a joke? If and when the time comes, will I be able to listen to God, and go to the states? Will I be able to follow the example of all my friends, and go? Or will I be like Jonah? Will I run away? Or will I listen? When my parents tell me that they have been told by God that it is time to go, will I accept it? Will I go? Will they really hear the right voice? Will the devil have a clever disquise? Will my parents be tricked? Will I be tricked?
Will I be able to live in the states? In a new place? In a new life? Will I be able to forget my old life? Will I need to? Or will I need to keep it?
Will I be the "last man standing," or will I leave some friends back in Europe, like I have been left time, and time again? I hope not. But I also do not want to be left. That wouldn't be very cool either.
Those where all my thoughts at the moment. I don't even want to read it over, because it makes me feel sad. That, and I need to go get ready for Cosmic night at the camp. Hope to talk back soon.
Jacob Hash
5 comments:
Jake! I love how you are so real! In my short time on earth, I have really sensed that God really loves it when we are this real!
I love your heart, your fears,your thoughts your honesty and your faith. None of us know how long we will be here in E. Europe or even on earth. What I do know is that what keeps me going after being left, is the fact that I am never alone, no matter how lonely I get. Keep seeking God and His place for you. Live day by day and lean on Him and your family who is still here. Love you, Bro!
very insightful... I enjoyed reading it, Jacob. And please post more often! You don't wanna be one of those bloggers known for never posting, right? :D jk...
I can't wait for vacation! Woohoo! It's gonna be awesome!
I don't even know what to comment!
That brought me to tears!!! I loved that!!!Thank you.If you wrote a book I would buy every copy in the store and read them all 50 times!!! Thank you for that Jacob.
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